Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2, how many do you have left?
titsnlinaaa: kinkyslayer: justme-and-mybud: shithotawkward: floatingflocks-of-candleswans: damnthatswhatshesaid: omg i canT FUCKING BREATHE OMG HOLY SHIT OH DEAR GOD I love michael so much NO LUCA! I AM A HUMAN! OMG IM DEAD I was not expecting that to be so fucking funny xD NO! lmao. OH MY FUCKING GOD
What I said: I'm not religious
What they heard: Babies are so delicious I drink the blood of toddlers every morning and suck out your kid's soul; hail Satan
Anonymous asked: Hi ur so pretty ! Is there any boy or girl you like at the moment? And is there any ex you miss ?
plot twist: i like a boy my own age
y’know what i hate when girls are afraid of lesbians and guys are afraid of gay men just because they’re afraid of them “hitting on them” or s/t like wow don’t flatter yourself no sensible queer person is going to be attracted to you when you’re such an asshole
person: hey wanna hang out
thoughts: omfg how do i get myself out of this
lnternetexplorers: how do people just have casual sex with random strangers i can’t even order pizza over the phone
tltty: porn logic: wow i spilled my drink on him i better take off his pants and suck his dick
supjerbear: today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket
lanadelmermaid: i hate seeing people who were once such a huge part of my life and not even having two words to say to them. it’s sad how quickly you can drift apart from people.
blahblahblather: Plot Twist: Woman orgasm, rolls over and goes to sleep. Dude is left to finish himself off or curl up dissatisfied.
Me: I won't let it bother me I won't let it bother me I won't let it bother me
Me: *lays down to sleep at night*
Me: It bothers me, actually it really fucking bothers me, so let's lay here and think and stress about it instead of sleeping.
How to experience Florida from anywhere in the...
whimsicott: Do your laundry!!! When you put your clothes into the dryer, start it normally. Wait until the cycle is half done (or whenever your clothes are still damp and the dryer is hot!) and open it. Stick your face, arm, leg, or whatever body part you want into the dryer! Congratulations!!! That’s how Florida feels 24/7/365!!! Enjoy your homemade Florida.
innergl0w: exotic-ice: My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they are more brave than I am. Literally me.
parents: i'm in a bad mood i think i'll go yell at my kids so they're in a bad mood too
serialkiller: i want another tattoo soooooooo bad but my parents will kill me, so i need to move out but thats expensive and i’m not ready to move in with my boyfriend yet. my life, except for the boyfriend part
reblog if you dont have a bra on
what kind of emotional rollercoaster was i on last night holy fuck